This blog was kindly written by Millie Fuller.
People in the sandwich generation are adults, typically between the ages of 30 and 60, who are juggling caring for ageing parents at the same time as raising children. While many people in the sandwich generation have younger children, some have older children who are still living at home and need support.
If this sounds like you, you may be sandwiched between different responsibilities, from picking the children up from school to managing the medical needs of an ageing parent. You might feel pressured to handle your challenges alone and to ‘just get on with it,’ which is one reason why the sandwich generation often goes unspoken about. For you and other carers in the sandwich generation, there are practical strategies to help you navigate your role as a carer. Let’s take a look.
The Emotional Toll
Being a carer can be such a demanding role, and having several care responsibilities can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Spending so much time caring for a loved one may also make it hard to see your friends and family, as well as look after your own wellbeing. In fact, according to research released for Carers Week 2019, unpaid carers are seven times more likely than the general public to experience loneliness. You may feel guilty about wanting time away from your caring duties, but you shouldn’t! Everyone has their limits, but taking time away can help you refresh to prevent symptoms of burnout, depression and anxiety, allowing you to continue your caregiving duties.
Practical Ways to Cope
Setting Boundaries
The first place to start is to acknowledge your personal limits (emotionally, physically and financially) as everyone is different. After doing this, you can establish which boundaries you want to set. Doing so can feel scary, but it doesn’t have to be if you do so with confidence. Be clear and specific about what you’re asking for, such as saying something like, “I don’t take phone calls after 8 pm, unless it’s an emergency.” At the same time, starting statements with ‘I’ shifts the focus to you and expresses what you need without sounding frustrated and placing blame.
Asking For Help
Asking people for help is not a weakness; you’re only human! Delegating tasks to relatives, neighbours, and friends can be a huge help when you’ve got so much on your plate. Be specific and clear about what you need to avoid misunderstandings, such as saying something like, “Could you make the children dinner tonight?” or “Are you able to do the food shop this week?” Respite care is another option, which allows you to take a break from your caring duties while a professional temporarily looks after your loved one. This often involves home care, but there are other types of respite care to explore, such as a short stay in a residential care home.
Practising Self-Care
Neglecting your own needs can lead to stress and negatively impact mental health, also making it a lot more challenging to carry out your caring responsibilities. That’s why practising self-care is key. Finding time can be difficult, but by delegating tasks to others or arranging respite care, you can free up more time to look after yourself. This could involve meditating, journaling, getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising. Self-care also means continuing to pursue your favourite hobbies, whether that’s reading, playing a sport, or creating art. Doing so means you can maintain a sense of self so you don’t lose your spark.
Staying Connected
Staying in touch with trusted family and friends gives you a support network. The demanding role of looking after both ageing parents and children can feel isolating at times, but simple texts, calls, and meeting up for coffee can be a reminder that you aren’t alone. Having a trusted support network also gives you the chance to express how you feel without letting it build up inside. Connecting with carer support groups can also be helpful, allowing you to meet people who can relate to your situation. You could also benefit from talking to a therapist or counsellor, as they can provide an emotional outlet and offer practical tips.
Carer Support Dorset
At Carer Support Dorset, we offer support groups, a telephone befriending service, online workshops, free events and much more. Find out more about what we do and how we can support you on our website.
